How Abusers speak
The earlier you can spot abusive behavior in a partner, the better chance you have at safely getting out of that relationship. Make sure to always trust your gut when you hear phrases like this:
“Where were you today?”
“I tried calling … why didn’t you answer?” [This is after 15 missed calls in a few hours.]
“Why did you make me do that?”
“You don’t love me as much as I love you.”
“No one will ever understand you like I do.”
“If you loved me, you’d do this.”
Words to Degrade
Verbal abuse can lower a partner’s self-esteem—something an abuser is counting on. Because when a survivor’s self-esteem plummets, that survivor may depend on an abuser to define their self-worth–“What can I do to prove I’m not as bad as they say?”—resulting in a maddening, approval-seeking cycle that can keep a survivor trapped indefinitely.
“You’re crazy a bad mom.”
“No wonder you’re losing all your friends.”
“You’re no fun.”
“You’re a piece of trash.”
Words to Shame
We’ve all said something we regret at one point or another, but the trademark of verbal and emotional abuse is a pattern. Abusers don’t just lose their temper once, they systematically shame and insult their partner over and over again, usually without regret and always without reason.
If a partner’s words make you feel shame, lower your self-worth or make you question what it is you did wrong on a near-constant basis, you could be dealing with an abusive partner. Here are some more examples from survivors:
“You’re always creating drama/making a big deal out of nothing/starting a fight/trying to get the last word in.”
“If you leave me, no one else will want you.”
“You’re not smart/successful/strong enough to survive without me.”
“You need to go on a diet.”
“Why don’t you look as hot as you did when we first met?”
“Don’t gain too much weight when you get pregnant.”
“You’re such a slut/you dress like a whore.”
“This is why no one likes you.”
If you hear these words from your partner, then most likely he is an abuser and you need to exit that relationship.